Once again I have fallen behind in my projects.  My Pop-Culture Collage and Oil Painting are in the works but, it has been 2 and half weeks and now I’m past due to draw another project.  Do I just lack the ambition or self motivation to get anything done?  Am I really the Queen Of Procrastination? Or am I just distracted by all of the “stuff” going on in my life?  Maybe, it’s a little of all of things and maybe it’s also a little of something I have never really thought about before.

Last week I blogged about how I hemmed my pants.  It wasn’t a great job but I did it.  You would think with a little time and effort and some practice, hemming pants is not really a big deal.  But, in my case it was a big deal.  No, not because I have some physical ailment that prevents me from doing those kinds of tasks.  There wasn’t a doctor from my childhood that said “You know, Christine, you’ll just….you’ll just never be able to sew”.

It was a big deal because I hemmed my pants, which I have never really done before, an hour before Valentine’s Day dinner, in between taking a shower, doing my hair and and trying to iron  ( straight on the carpet getting cat hair all over the pants and then spilling a glass of water, stepping in it all while looking for the “cat hair remover thingy”), my boyfriend calling just to ask “How’s it going?” and my snapping  back “fine, I gotta go.”

There is a certain level of exceptions we should have for ourselves and I’m starting to understand that mastering the balance to this might just be the key to, I don’t know, “Finding yourself”; I hate using that term because it sounds so  cliche and cheesy, like I’m trying to write a self-help book or something.

Never learning how to sew because “I’m not good enough” or ” I don’t have the patience” = Not expecting enough

Forcing myself to learn how to sew, in the above scenario, and being sort of proud, but slightly dissatisfied by the lack of perfection= Expecting too much

After a phone conversation with my boyfriend, in which I felt the need to whine about how much I hate my job and want to go back to school.  Which led to  pondering all of the “what if’s” that are going on around here: What if art isn’t my “bliss” at all?  What if I should do something completely different?  He reminded me that I was supposed to be working on this blog and “focusing.”   I insisted I can work 40 hours a week, manage my store, work on my blog, do a project weekly, take a class, study, do homework, and take care of the rest of the day-to-day responsibilities,  all at the same time. He also then reminded me that there are only so many hours in a day I can physically utilize and that I need a lot more sleep then normal people.

There is too much time spent planning a scheming:  Should I look for a new job?   Should I go back to school? What classes should I take?  Do I want to paint today?  Do I not want to paint at all?  What do I want?  What do I need?  After clearing my head a bit (aka: lying on my bed starring at the ceiling and crying)  I realized I don’t know what I want because I set these obscure, unobtainable goals for myself (example of expecting too much from myself) .  And then other times I just throw my hands up and am like “screw it, I’ll just make coffee”(example of not expecting enough from myself).

So, where is the middle ground?  I suppose it starts with attitude.  I can find ways to learn to like my job.  That can start with being a little stricter with my sleeping habits; if ya have to work at 4 in the morning, you have to work at 4 in the morning so go to bed way before 10pm!  I can think about things I  do like about my job and focus on those things.  I suppose this could lead to not worrying, at least for the time being, about finding something new and just continuing to work on my art.  And maybe if I make an organized plan as how I’m going to get these projects done, I’ll actually get them done and figure myself out.  It feels so unsettling though.  But, maybe that is a feeling one just has to get used to.  Because, really, when is life really ever “settling.”

Maybe, were supposed to feel unsettled.

On another note, I was catching up on the Good Mood Blog, by Brigitte Dale, and she did a post about a beach she hangs out at when she wants to “think.”  I would like to have a “thinking place”.  Here’s the post:  A Beach Day Photoblog.

So my goal this weekend:

1) Make a list of things I like about my job.

2) Finish the oil painting

3) Pick next weeks project

Next week

1) Complete next project

2) Find “thinking place”

Yes I’m aware I’m setting myself behind a week.  But, hey we can’t be so hard on ourselves and maybe when I gain some momentum, and I’m feeling saucy, I’ll do two projects in one week 😉

Now, those are my goals, and I’m sticking to them.  There will be no job searching, no whining, no plotting my distant future, no apartment hunting, no web surfing, no excuses.

Anyway, all this pondering led to surfing, the last of that until the end of next week,  and I came across good ol’ Ziglar and this video, which I found amusing.

“Create a painting on one of those small, and very blank, canvases chillin’ in my closet”

Before I go about my weekend, gallivanting around and skipping through little red and pink hearts everywhere, I decided to take a Career Test.  I have taken one before but, it was totally off…I swear.   Since, the economy is crazy, and people are desperate to find new jobs and career paths, I figured new, and more accurate, Career Tests would have emerged.  Not really.  But, I haven’t tried this one  Career Path, by Career Builder.

According to my test my interests are  Blue or Planning.

People with Blue interests like activities that allow them to be creative. This can be through more traditional visual arts, writing or musical pursuits although not limited to these. The creativity is often expressed in thinking of new ideas or strategies that can have a broad range of applications. Blue interests often like thinking about the future and planning for long term benefits. Hobbies include: performing or listening to music, attending theater, story telling, journaling, decorative arts, painting.

Okay, so now tell me something I don’t know….

My ideal job choices:

• Editor
• Journalist
• Teacher
• Strategic Planner
• Consultant

• Performing Arts
• Marketing
• Communications
• Research and Development

“Strategic Planner?” Well, that’s something I didn’t know!  And as for “communications“, interesting, my co-worker just told me the other day that I should major in Communications.  According, to her I am “engaging.”  But, this is coming from someone who takes the book The Zombie Survival Guide very seriously; Zombies ARE coming…what? You didn’t know?

That’s all I got.  If I would like a full report and want to know about how to plan for my future career I can register now for only $49.95……

More then a week has gone by since my last post.  Time really flies, if you’re not careful.  Last week was Text Week.   Read  chapter 4 , did one of the exercises at the end of the chapter.  The exercise was to create an image, made only of text for the phrase “Looks like a storm is brewing.” I admit it, there were three other exercises that I didn’t do.  I’m not sure how I feel about creating art with rules and restrictions.  There is a lack of freedom that I’m just not comfortable with.   Along, with my Text Art I created something for the owner at work.  It’s just not fun.  Now, if I were to make something and someone were to say to me “I want to buy that for my logo or website or business” I would be like “How much?”  But, I don’t think I can ever do any job that required me to create art with someone else initiating all of the ideas.

The Tea Kettle is made out the the phrase “Rain, rain, go away. Come back another day” with a gray stroke around it.   It’s small, so it’s hard to see.  I’m happy with outcome but, I can’t say I had “fun” doing it.

I did have fun, however, looking through this website! Inspiredm.com It’s a site with all kinds of articles and links to other Artsy websites.  They have articles like  Top 50 Tumble Logs and, my favorite article I found, whether it be for the info or just the name, was Type Porn.  Lots of creative stuff on that site!

On a totally different note, I went to a crab feed last weekend, and saw some of my brother’s friends I haven’t seen for quite a while.   Apparently, they came across a painting I did for them.  They told me they hung it back up in their living room.  That was kinda fun to hear.  My brother has also asked me to re-frame a painting I did for him a few years ago.  All this reminded me how much I miss painting! I love it but, it’s not the most convenient hobby when you live in a studio apartment.

This is the painting I did for my brother.  It’s need to be re-framed (because it has miraculously shrunk and no longer fits the current frame).  And now that I have it in my hands, I  can see it needs to be touched up a bit too.

As, for my next project…..  “Create a Pop Culture Collage.”  I can’t wait to do this one!  I love collages.  This project was inspired by a Christmas gift.  It was a print of art work by a fairly new pop culture artist.  It’s not quite “Low Brow” but it’s similar with a more straight forward humorous approach.  The print I have is called “Dirty Rat” (a little twist on good ‘ol Mickey Mouse; in case you didn’t know he sleeps around and smokes cigarettes!).  Anyway, here is the website to the artist that will be the inspiration for me next project Pop Culture Art.  The artist has more of bio site here Nelson De La Nuez (Try to ignore that picture of him and Leno).

One of my favorite bloggers, Brigitte Dale, posted a link to this video.  I think it is so beautiful!  I just got sucked in watching it.

The film can be found on SpyFilms.com

I’m beginning to feel a little “texted” out from reading this chapter.  So, I took a break and started to design a new banner for my blog.  My biggest mistake, I always make when trying to design things, is not sketching ideas out first.  Pretty logical, I know.  I mean, that is the first thing I learned in every art or graphic design class I have ever taken.  Always, always, always sketch ideas out; thumbnails first, then at least 3 rough sketches, 2 full sketches, then 1 final draft.

Another important thing I learned in my last Visual Arts class is never be afraid to let go of an idea. When you work on an art project, and create something, there are always going to be times when ideas don’t get executed as planned.  As, I usually say, at that point, “It looked…a lot better in my head” (and that comment is usually followed by some form of grunt or grumbling and almost always a scowl).

Any artist knows you become emotionally invested in something you create and letting it go is extremely difficult.  It feels equivalent to a plant dieing. Just as it’s disappointing to watch a plant come to a slow demise, after spending all that time watering and nurturing it, it’s disappointing to watch a great idea completely fail .  Yeah, fail-it’s a harsh word but, that is what happens. And when the paper crumples, or the little red circle with the X on it gets clicked, and I reluctantly choose “Don’t Save,” I feel like I just killed a plant.   Deep down, I know it’s best, because the idea isn’t going anywhere and it’s just not looking as awesome on paper or screen as it did in my mind.  But, if I continue to obsess over an unavailing idea I will never find the one that actually works.

Funny, life can be this way too.

I finally have an idea situated, though, (despite the lack of proper pre-sketching procedures) and hopefully you will like it, on screen, as much as I like it, in my head….